Dreadful as is, inevitably one must face the terrifying ordeal of being known, one must face the fact that in order to truly love life, you must know what is there to be loved about yourself.
To be cringe is to be free
The first step towards self expression is knowing yourself, but the hardest part of this process isn’t talked as much: Forgiving yourself. I've always had a complicated relationship with how I look, as a teenager I always neglected any self care, never brushed my hair, never took any pictures and dodged any compliments thinking they were satire, I became a ghost. This self hatred was distilled into a poison seeping through every crevice of my life. As time went on, I started taking care of my mental health and the lack self care showed its consequences in the shape of “not knowing how to present myself to the world”, more often than not I avoided being in social events, when outside I always used the same old tired white t-shirts and black jeans, and as a direct consequence of this when I looked in the mirror all I felt was, for lack of a better word, boredom. I know I can be more, but I am terrified of being perceived as the person I really am, I robbed myself of that growth.
As a 22 year old, I feel like I’m having discoveries most people had during their teenage years, and that’s ok, I think.