The Impossible Task of Changing the Present.

 

All those times you wish things were different you always wonder how far could you actually be in life if you managed to do your absolute best every day.

But in a strange paradoxical way “the best you could do” is exactly what you did already under the limitations you were under.

So looking at it this way, was that wasted time? Or was it wisdom you gained?

Happy New Year! 

2025 is over, to some this is a good thing, to others a bad thing, I begrudgingly admit I am personally leaning more on the negative side, time only seems to be going faster, my body is only getting older, and friends seem to be all going different ways in life.

Going back to how things were is not an option, and wishing for the future to come faster is insanity. All that remains is accepting and enduring the impossible task of living in the present.

This year, 2026, I will be turning 25, depending on your outlook and living conditions it might represent 1/4 of your expected lifetime, statistically speaking most likely it's 1/3.

But what does that mean exactly? One third of a lifetime? Not everyone dies at 75, to some people two days were one third of their lives, to some, 40 years were one third of their lives, hell, I might actually be at 3/3 of my life and I don’t know it! We never know it, and that is the scary part. Putting life on that scale makes you think you have so much time before and after the present moment… Is 100% a gamble.

Was I Dead Inside or Just Queer?

Dreadful as is, inevitably one must face the terrifying ordeal of being known, one must face the fact that in order to truly love life, you must know what is there to be loved about yourself.

To be cringe is to be free

The first step towards self expression is knowing yourself, but the hardest part of this process isn’t talked as much: Forgiving yourself. I've always had a complicated relationship with how I look, as a teenager I always neglected any self care, never brushed my hair, never took any pictures and dodged any compliments thinking they were satire, I became a ghost. This self hatred was distilled into a poison seeping through every crevice of my life. As time went on, I started taking care of my mental health and the lack self care showed its consequences in the shape of “not knowing how to present myself to the world”, more often than not I avoided being in social events, when outside I always used the same old tired white t-shirts and black jeans, and as a direct consequence of this when I looked in the mirror all I felt was, for lack of a better word, boredom. I know I can be more, but I am terrified of being perceived as the person I really am, I robbed myself of that growth.

As a 22 year old, I feel like I’m having discoveries most people had during their teenage years, and that’s ok, I think.

We Don't Have Enough Time

 This is a personal story and some reflections I had about these events.

Your best friend calls you. You two haven't talked in two weeks, catching up has become less and less frequent. You normally place the blame on the fact you're both twenty-something.
You pick up the phone and greet her with the usual:

- Hey Trixie! - made up name for privacy's sake - How are you?

- Horrible. 

Usually this kind of dry and negative answer is paired with sarcasm or a pinch of hyperbole. But not this time. Over the last two weeks a lot happened, too much happened. Her cat died. As she is talking to you she is on the way to her grandfather's funeral. And her mother, the mother of your best friend, was diagnosed with cancer a few days prior.

She does not know what to do, and you don't know what to say. And in the dreadful silence that takes place after hearing these news, all you can think is:

How much time do we really have?

Goodbye 3DS.

A trip down lonely lane:

You ever had the feeling you experienced something "the wrong way"? Or that you just saw something in a light that was so out of the ordinary you even consider that maybe everybody else is lying?

Today, March 27 of 2023, Nintendo officially closes the 3DS eShop and having revisited my console to grab some games before the end, I thought it would be nice to share a little story.

Setting the stage:

Picture this: You are twelve, facebook is still the cool place to be online, and you just discovered you love video games, more especifically, you love Zelda. You just played Ocarina of Time on an N64 emulator on your crappy family computer and the trailer of new Wind Waker HD is pure eye candy.

I want a piece of that Nintendo fun - You say to yourself. You start to browse online and you discover two things:
The first one is the value of money. With how devalued the currency of your country is, you simply cannot ask your parents to purchase a Wii U for you.
And the second is that the Nintendo 3DS is fucking cool (And a lot cheaper than a Wii U).

Does the 3D effect really work? - Your parents are concerned, your dad is a TV nerd, and every 3D television required glasses.
Of course! - You reply, confident in Nintendo's marketing - They wouldn't lie about that, it's Nintendo!

Thank you! Yes, you!

Hey ya, Heya here, Happy new year!

I want to start 2023's first blog post by saying: Thank you so much, really.

For what you may ask? Well, to put it very simply, for being around.
Last year, on March 13 I tweeted this image:

 

 

Every year I ask myself: Would I follow myself on Twitter? A question that might sound like something straight out of a marketing meeting where a bunch of boring men ask each other how they can "increase engagement" but to me this question is much, much more personal.

I make 100% of the things that are on my account, but do I like what I do?

Before I get to my point, allow me to go back in time and talk about how misguided I was when it came to understanding why I made art in the first place.

Story time:

This is RaccoonPaw.net

Hi I'm Heya! Fancy seeing you here, welcome to my little internet spot.

 What is this place? 

This is Raccoon Paw, currently a blog where I plan to write down some ideas, make announcements and also a website to compile all my social media links, like a business card.

 Why this place? 

As some of you know, with the current BS that is happening over at Twitter people are moving to other new websites and some are rediscovering ancient places to start a new chapter in their digital lives.

And following this wave I decided to buy a domain and make this little blog, a place that is 100% mine, so I can place this URL everywhere with the certainty it will never die nor be bought by a man child billionare.

Of course raccoonpaw won't substitute my Twitter, that is impossible, so I will go back to posting on Tumblr and I'm still considering a third option, the top two as of now are Mastodon and Furaffinity, I'm still reading about them and have tried Mastodon for a few weeks now, I still know fuck all about it, so I'm very inclined to actually just go ahead and use FA.

 Some questions I received about this site: 

 

"Why not just use carrd?" - Me, 2 minutes before confirming my purchase.
That was a very good question, and here is the answer: I want to make blog posts and use html.

"Why .net instead of .com?" - Friend who knows the meaning of these words.
I just like the sound of it.

"Why not HeyaRaccoon?" - 90% of my friends.
Raccoon Paw sounds way cooler.

"Do you have future plans for it?" - Me, 2 minutes after confirming my purchase.
Yes, but I will not say it, everytime I share an idea I end up jinxing it.

 Final thoughts + Some tips: 

As a final note, consider buying a URL for yourself too! It is not that expensive and you can pick wether or not you want to pay for a hosting service since there are plenty free services to use your URL with, such as Blogger (here). Here are the two most important tips I gathered during my journey to get raccoonpaw.net:

1- How to search for your domain name: Use your browser, as in, type in the search bar your domain of choice and see if it is available, never search inside domain registers such as GoDaddy, these services analyse the interest in the domain and artificially increase the prices to make you feel pressured to make the purchase in fear they might get higher again. Only search inside these shops once you're 100% ready with your credit card in hands and ready to become a website owner.

2- Understand your needs for your website: Will you just make blog posts? Post videos? Archive your art? Do you want to interact with a community? A lot of times you might think you need that super deal of 20GB of super fast storage with a huge bandwidth, but in reality you will barely use all of that. So, pick wisely, start with the simplest option, and please, research with caution and avoid scams, NO ONE gives away a 2 terabytes server for free, and you don't need all that.

Aaaand, yea, I'm not that well versed in this whole website making thing, and I'm not being sponsored by anyone, so consider this more of a little conversation with a friend instead of actual professional advice, but don't get intimidated by the idea, get yourself a website! Anyways that's about it, thanks for reading my crazy ramblings about the cyber world.

See ya in the near future!